Deserves to be [Untitled]

I was riding down 13th street the other day and I passed 'Planned Parenthood'. I couldn't help remember the last memory I had with her... "don't worry" she said... "...I just want my monthly to be regular." Birth control? Why? And after almost 2 years of being together, you feel the urge of NOW wanting a regular period.. just days before you went to see your Ex 'him'. 'Bi' is what she stated before we hooked up... 'Lesbian' after we fell in 'lust'. It was hardly love... I must have been infatuated with the head game... right? Or the fear of being alone. I took the blame for every little thing and begged on bruised knees... "Please... don't leave me. I love you". Abandonment issues, yes... and insecurities, most def. She had me.. fucked up over her... pride.. shot. Ego flew the coop and I'm still trying to coax that nigga to come back. Of course... I'm afraid of it happening again. My love... not being enough. You realizing... I'm not what you thought you wanted after all. What an embrassed state of mind to be put through. "Bitch... you should have broke up with me!". I guess we just pride ourselves on wasted time... misery loves company... ignorance is bliss. She cheated on me that night... and it may not have been physical, but... by the morning, when she returned home... she was gone from me. "Kelly, I'm so sorry... I promise nothing happened. Please don't be mad, nothing happened... do you believe me? You can ask me anything...". Even if I did... would it had been the truth? She's pathological.. the best at making her tracks appear to be someone else's. Never owned up to a bitch ass thing... not even the child she wanted to abort. 'Straight' ....is what she calls herself nowadays. Do you know how it feels to live with a total stranger? "Baby I don't feel like it tonight..." after it's been about a month.. maybe even two. 'I'll eat your pussy this once, since I feel you deserve it for good behavior and fall asleep while I'm doing it' ...I'd rather the rejection, instead of this unsatisfied feeling and having to finish it myself in the bathroom. Feelings hurt... the questions arouse of did she really love me when she cried in front of me that night... wasn't I enough to please her after she bragged about my skills, dissin every sexual encounter before..? You start out hot and heavy until the fire just... dies..? I refuse to believe that any true emotion for someone you love fades throughout the course of being together. She never loved me at all... nor was I truly in love with her as I thought I was. I simply let a 'straight' girl... massacre.. my brain. Need for reassurance is clingy.. I hope you don't mind, cuz these thoughts are paranoia and chuckles of 'this bitch left me for a guy..', she must have been confused.. wait, no.. she just took pleasure in knowing that I was the one getting PLAYED. Thank you... for these memories that will one day be totally erased from me. You've been... a nightmare... you absolute... horror... of a human-being. [Chapter of my life... CLOSED]. 

Shea

She gives me chills. Sometimes I don't know how to react to the depths of this love within me... but she feels me... as I do her. How did I ever get through life without her? To finally be in this moment.. to love with all of my soul and to have her love in return... you can't imagine a more power feeling until you've been in it, until you've been consumed by it. My thoughts stay with her... through space and time. My only wish is that she'd physically appear before me, but I know one day... and nothing great happens overnight is what I've been told. Just look how long it took me to find her. I almost wish patience would be a friend to me, but... it's the longing for her that gets to me each day. Makes me appreciate her more. Makes me strive harder, not for me, but for US. This is more than just a 'honeymoon phase'... she made me believe in fate and destiny again. She is the rhythm that beats in my chest. She centers me like no one else ever could... with vocal tones that soothe even my darkest of days. 'Just as long as I have you... just as long as I have you..' To tell you how much I love you Shea, will never be enough... but I hope you feel it now, as my heart... only beats for you.